i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
