The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
