Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
