You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
