It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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