i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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