I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
