I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Its about making memories worth repressing
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
