I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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