you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I have fence marks all over my body
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
