he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
