im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
