I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
