My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
