You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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