Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Randomize
