Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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