I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
