Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
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Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
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You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
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