normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
