I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
