shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
How does it feel to date your dad?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
