Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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