i wish semen tasted like chocolate
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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