the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
