i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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