Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm always down for nudity.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
