his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
