I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
