I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
