enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
