i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
