so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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