I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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