genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
