WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
