How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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