you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
