There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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