I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
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is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm at about main and main street
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
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The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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