Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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