I hate your face
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
