and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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