Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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