I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
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She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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