I think my vagina is haunted
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I need to sanitize my soul.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
