a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
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