I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
