I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
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Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
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His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
These tits shall not be calmed
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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