On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
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