her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
