so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
