my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
