Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
