Texts From Last Night

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  (540): View more from Virginia

  is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?

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  (540): is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO? http://tfl.nu/qgse
  Replies (3) Good night (699) Bad night (397) Order T-Shirt
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.

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  (330): He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius. http://tfl.nu/c6ym
  Replies (36) Good night (7819) Bad night (521) Order T-Shirt
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.

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  (615): good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car. http://tfl.nu/bhcd
  Replies (11) Good night (3480) Bad night (1078) Order T-Shirt
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  (210): View more from Texas

  they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird

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  (210): they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird http://tfl.nu/vuhd
  Replies (11) Good night (6030) Bad night (1412) Order T-Shirt
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.

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  (763): He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening. http://tfl.nu/7ub3
  Replies (11) Good night (1152) Bad night (5683) Order T-Shirt
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  (810): View more from Michigan

  There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing

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  (810): There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing http://tfl.nu/i1k5
  Replies (7) Good night (2598) Bad night (943) Order T-Shirt
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.

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  (815): Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight. http://tfl.nu/6hnz
  Replies (12) Good night (2984) Bad night (621) Order T-Shirt
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?

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  (920): I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer? http://tfl.nu/t39o
  Replies (3) Good night (806) Bad night (1975) Order T-Shirt
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.

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  (724): Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours. http://tfl.nu/4ug0
  Replies (1) Good night (2194) Bad night (688)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo

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  (250): Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo http://tfl.nu/a9s7
  Replies (6) Good night (1476) Bad night (648) Order T-Shirt
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.

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  (336): I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs. http://tfl.nu/p7wi
  Replies (5) Good night (1932) Bad night (349) Order T-Shirt
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  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.

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  (215): There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut. http://tfl.nu/e6c8
  Replies (2) Good night (1360) Bad night (383) Order T-Shirt
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.

  (1-309): View more from Illinois

  I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.

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  (309): Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment. (1-309): I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college. http://tfl.nu/zbsh
  Replies (7) Good night (1061) Bad night (421)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"

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  (208): I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth" http://tfl.nu/32vn
  Replies (8) Good night (925) Bad night (218) Order T-Shirt
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment

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  (802): as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment http://tfl.nu/bym2
  Replies (6) Good night (473) Bad night (1034) Order T-Shirt

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