I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
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I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
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Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.