We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated