There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.