apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
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It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
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I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.