Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...