I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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