I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
