If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
