I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
