cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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