I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
