I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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