Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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